i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
