I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
