If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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