i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
