i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
