woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
