i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
