Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
