I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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