I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
