if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
