Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
