I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
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