remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
