So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
