I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
