he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
