I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
