my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My penis needs a shock collar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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