So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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