I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
