I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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