I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
