went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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