I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
