my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
