I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
