Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
