and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
