He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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