dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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