Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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