It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
