If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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