my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
