My underwear smells like fireworks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
