everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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