Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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