Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
