They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
