Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
