I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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