She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
