After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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