I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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