her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
