Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
