He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
