did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
