forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
