We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
