You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
