Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
